The late anthropologist David Graeber taught at Yale, claimed to be an anarchist, and popularized the term "bullsh*t jobs" to describe work that felt soul-sucking, and which he claimed the vast majority of people wasted their whole lives doing.
This is the "love" section of this newsletter, but I do not love this man, may he rest in peace. He makes me angry. Not because I don't believe bullsh*t jobs exist. They absolutely do. But because he preached that bullsh*t jobs were inexorable. Inescapable. The way of the world. As if the rest of us should just accept our fate and maybe read his book about it.
I am fascinated by academics who peddle nihilism—comfy and secure in their tenured positions while espousing the uselessness of it all. It's a very particular kind of hustle: get paid to tell everyone that getting paid is meaningless. And look, maybe they're right, maybe work is bound to devolve into meaninglessness for everyone, but I will not concede to them on my watch.
In fact, I want to Joan-of-Arc them out of existence. (Metaphorically, that is!) |
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We had a Becoming You Intensive this past weekend. Oh my God, the joy of that experience. The joy! I assure you none of the 135 participants finished it and thought, "Oh well, back to the bullsh*t job now." Exactly the opposite.
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Getting that experience into everyone's hands is my life’s purpose; it's our purpose here at the messy little dog-filled Becoming You Labs HQ and, I might add, at the NYU | Stern Initiative on Purpose and Flourishing, which hosts the Intensives.
Now, look, if you've read even one of these weekly missives, you know I am not woo-woo. My favorite things about Becoming You are that its tools are scientifically validated, that everything we do is based in research, and that the lab has the highest standards of efficacy.
That is why my love this week is the proof I saw with my own eyes: soul-filling jobs do exist, they are worth searching for, and they are there for the finding and living.
So, Professor Graeber, with respect: I reject your hypothesis. And to your acolytes, come find me in the faculty lounge. 😉 |
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Here’s one thing you never forget, no matter how far motherhood is in the rearview window. The existential despair of having a sick kiddo, especially when you are sick yourself.
They are burning up with the flu. Twisty with aches and pains. Coughy and sniffly and exhausted beyond sleep. And you are too. Except it’s also your job to make breakfast, do the laundry, walk the dog, and keep everyone alive.
This horrible thing – this phenomenon – hit my son and daughter-in-law’s sweet Maine household this week, and I could only watch from afar for a million reasons which boil down to one word, work. I felt such painful empathy for them, plus hopelessness at being unable to help. I also layered on extra agony, thinking of the families going through the same thing, only in hospitals, with much more dire circumstances.
One day in the middle of this, I found myself crying at my desk. Life can be so beautiful and hopeful; see above! And it can be so hard at the exact same time. This is its great eternal mystery, and one which we can only hold loosely as we forge forward, as we must. |
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A somewhat happy ending to this musing: news from the front is that everyone is feeling better today. Also, please enjoy this picture of Taran, the smiliest boy in the world when he is not screaming at 1 am. |
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Something was up with one of my molars – an implant – this week so I popped over to see my dentist, and old friend, Howie. He took a peek in and announced: “No worries, Suzy. This is easy. You have a screw loose.”
I sent this “diagnosis” around to my kids on the family thread and immediately got a lot of thumbs up emojis.
File under: duly noted.
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What's coming?
→ May 2026 Three-Day Becoming You Intensive here
→ Becoming You Certification Program, learn more here
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Three Words That Can Change Your Life. Say Them Today.
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This week, in an unusually intimate episode, I talk about the words you need to say, three to be exact, before it’s too late. I almost missed that chance with my lifelong best friend, Sue Jacobson, who is this week’s special guest, in an episode that brings us inside a hospital room awash with despair, and plumbs just what it means to demonstrate the very hard, very necessary act of mattering. It sounds simple. It feels obvious. And yet, as this episode explores, most of us are getting it wrong.
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