The 16th value is here—and it changes everything you thought you knew about yourself.
And then there were 16.
Sixteen – yes – because of love.
What???
I’m talking about the number of values in the Welch-Bristol Values Inventory — the theoretical foundation of the Values Bridge, and frankly, the entire Becoming You Methodology.
For years, ever since I started teaching how to discover your values to unlock your purpose in life, I have contended there are 15 human values. That claim was based on hundreds of hours of scholarship, thousands of pages of theory, and more than 30,000 data points of empirical research. It was the backbone of my PhD thesis at the University of Bristol and the foundation of the algorithm powering the Values Bridge.
But I’ll confess: the day my book Becoming You went to the printer with “15” in it, I remember thinking, Good God, I hope that doesn’t change.
Because here’s the truth: knowledge expands. We put ideas into the world, and the world talks back. That’s how we get smarter with age. That’s why every values inventory ever created has been revised over time.
Now — mine included.
Look, love is a value. Of course it is. It can reorder our lives, fuel our choices, become an “organizing principle.” Or not. Remember: values are choices.
When my husband was living, love surely was my top value of choice. Thank God it was his too.
In my original framework, I thought love was already accounted for. Familycentrism captured the drive to center your life around family. Belonging captured the drive to center it around friends and community.
When my husband was living, love surely was my top value of choice. Thank God it was his too.
In my original framework, I thought love was already accounted for. Familycentrism captured the drive to center your life around family. Belonging captured the drive to center it around friends and community.
The pushback was so faint I almost didn’t hear it. But starting when the Values Bridge was in beta, every so often someone would ask: “But what about romantic love, Suzy? Isn’t that different?”
My stock answer was, “I think we’ve got it covered.”
Turns out, we didn’t.
That realization wasn’t a lightning bolt. It was a eureka of the social science variety, e.g. slow, gummy, tortuous at moments, and basically, hard-earned.
I can tell you, though, exactly when the tipping point came: on June 26th, the second day of the Becoming You certification program for coaches, therapists, and educators at the NYU | Stern Initiative for Purpose and Flourishing. I had just finished teaching about the Values Bridge when a coach approached me at break:
That was it. The waiting and listening part was over.
I told her: “We’re going back to the drawing board with love. Give me three months.”
Here’s what happened next. My brilliant, mission-driven team at Becoming You Labs — people who care about behavioral science and data as fiercely as I do — dove in. We created version after version of new questions about romantic love. We validated them, over and over again, through seven rounds of testing with 4000 participants. We tested the results against Familycentrism and Belonging.
The data was unmistakable. Romantic love wasn’t just a subset of something else.
It was its own thing.
I wish you could have seen the face of Tanya Jojy, our chief product and tech officer, when she told me the results. Imagine someone saying, “Oh yes” in a way that leaves no room for doubt.
And so…my friends…
Belovedness
The value that reflects how much you want a partnered romantic relationship to be the central, organizing principle of your life.
Note: you don’t have to be in such a relationship to have Belovedness as a value. Belovedness is about how much romantic love — whether you want it or have it — drives your actions and decisions.
The value that reflects how much you want a partnered romantic relationship to be the central, organizing principle of your life.
Note: you don’t have to be in such a relationship to have Belovedness as a value. Belovedness is about how much romantic love — whether you want it or have it — drives your actions and decisions.
Where does Belovedness fall for you? Maybe you already know. If you’re not sure, retake the Values Bridge and see the answer in living color. (If you’ve taken it before, another go will cost you exactly zero. 🙂) It’s time to find out something new, or something more, about yourself.
And it's time to find out what it is you want from love – just love – in all the ways it becomes us.
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A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Bristol. Has it Ever Happened to You?
Welcome to a deeply personal solo episode of Becoming You. This week, I share four powerful lessons I discovered on the road to my PhD, awarded this May at the University of Bristol. Some softened my heart, others made me laugh, and one truly surprised me. Together, they reveal what growth and reinvention really feel like—moments that lift us up, and moments that bring us to our knees before they bring us to our senses.
